Crazy - Poem by Chandra Hohmann

What is happening?

I can’t control my own thoughts

Body like that of another
Everything’s wrong.
Screaming, hands ripping

It’s not right, it’s not right
What isn’t right? !

What is going on!

Why won’t it stop?
Anger, anger
Want to hurt
Want to make suffer

Shock horror
At self
Never do these things never
Love Father

But these thoughts won’t go away

Want out
Want freedom
So hard
So hard to breathe

Stop!
Can’t
Won’t

Not even think it
Can’t leave

Can’t escape
Trapped

Hurting
Hurting so bad

Angry
So angry
Not fair!
Not fair!

Person!
I’m a person

Stop!
Stop looking at me like that!
I’m not crazy!
I’m not!

I’m not…?

Need to leave
Need to escape
Caged

Right!
Not Wrong!

Why are you always saying I’m wrong!

I’m not!
Not Stupid!

Not Stupid!
No matter what you say!
So smart!

Jordan
Friend

He says so

Why
Daddy
Family
Say no

You can’t hurt me
I won’t let you
Stay away

Defend
Fight back

Turn the other cheek?
Yeah that really got you somewhere Momma

In his control
You are
So wonderful Momma

Don’t listen
Not to him
He’s wrong
He yells
He’s wrong

We’re right Momma
‘Specially you
So right Momma
So good
Protect me Momma

What?

No!

You can’t not want to fight anymore?

You’re leaving me
You’re leaving me!

You aren’t supposed to do that!
Please Momma
What?
Neutral
Doesn’t exist

Fight for me Momma

Me and Cara
Little Cara
So grown-up
So a baby

Please I’m scared
I can’t do it on my own

Understand?

Understand what?
That you aren’t strong enough?
No Momma
It takes more strength to survive this
Then it does to leave
Why can’t you see?

I’m dying Momma
The most important part of me is dying
You’re supposed to protect me

Alone again
Hurts
Hurts bad
Going crazy
So scared

Anger Anger Anger!
Want to hurt!
Father!

Love him still
I think
Scared
No respect
Can’t
Tried to
Too hard

Can’t fight
Can’t win
Too hard

Lose
Lost

Give up
Give in
No point
Can’t ever win

Goodbye
Goodbye me……

Poems by Chandra Hohmann

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